Daniel Chen - Week 11: You Need Two L's to Spell Loneliness

 Happy Valentine's Day, or well, happy 21st of February if that's when you decide to do blog comments. 

Anyways, the day I'm writing this is both the loveliest day (for some) and the loneliest (for people like me). Today I actively avoided looking at couples, I actively tried to forget that I was alone on the day where everyone else seems to be enjoying company with each other. And that feeling kept making me feel down. Today was probably the worst day I've had in a while because of that unshakably powerful feeling of loneliness, and it's really got me thinking what it's truly like for other people to be lonely, and not just in the sense of having an S/O or not. 

I recently started reading a new book (Yeah, I know right Daniel is finally reading a book), and it really started to make me ponder what it's like to not understand someone else, and what it's like to not have someone who understands you. Mockingbird follows the story of a young girl with Asperger's as she gets through the acceptance that her older brother died in a school shooting just days before. What really struck me was the amount of depth that the author went into with the descriptions of how people with autism see the world, and how deeply it truly affects both the main character, Caitlin, and the people around her. The counsellor, Mrs. Brook, who tries to console Caitlin doesn't seem to understand what Caitlin feels at any given moment and overlooks many things that bother Caitlin. From the sound of her country music ringtone to her forcing Caitlin to maintain eye contact, the book really explores what it's like to be in your own world, and a lonely world at that. I can't fathom being surrounded by people who I don't understand, and people who can't understand me, I can't imagine a world where everyone would react like I'm speaking some alien language. Surely being in a world like that is the loneliest experience someone can have. 

Anyways back to Valentine's Day. Why does looking at everyone else and being around people who are a couple make me feel so lonely? I mean people say you want what you don't have, but I didn't think that it would affect me so much. Like today I would look at someone with multiple flowers or teddy bears or chocolate or gifts from their S/O or whatever. The point is that even people who didn't have a S/O and had those things (take Mai with her flowers today) made me feel lonely. I think the idea of not being as popular and as liked as other people, which I based on what type of gifts I got today was what I based my loneliness off of. But in any case, I still appreciate Kallie and Mai for going to Palentine's day dinner with me. 

Anyway maybe I'll give a second chance to Cupid next year. 




Comments

  1. AmritaFebruary 19, 2024 at 10:02 PM

    Hi Daniel! I totally understand the feeling of loneliness and feeling like you can't exactly explain what you're feeling to anyone because you think nobody would understand. It's the worst feeling when there are things going on in your life or things that you're going through, and you just wish you could open up, but for whatever reason, you can't. The thing that carries me though life and always motivates me to persevere through any hardship is definitely the people in my life. It's also always a good feeling to go through something while knowing that others are going through the same or similar things. For these reasons, I agree with you when you say that existing in a world where "people can't understand me" is the "loneliest experience someone can have." Anyway, don't be sad about Valentine's Day Daniel. Our time will come. 2025 is the year of love, I can feel it. (ps: i see that k-pop reference at the end and i respect)

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  2. Arushi February 21, 2024 at 5:44 PM

    Hi Daniel, happy 21st of February to you too! Valentine's Day is definitely a day of extremes. Either you're the happiest person alive or you're somewhat struggling to just exist and get through the day. Like you, I have to agree that seeing people walk around with the roses and teddy bears used to make me feel a twinge of jealousy, but I guess this year, I finally realized that having friends (can't speak on the S/O side) doesn't always mean having gifts. Having people I could actually depend on is genuinely so much better. I guess realizing this also made me sort of ignore Valentine's Day this year, well that and the looming deadline of POAS. I love how the world has kind of collectively started assigning different values to Valentine's Day. Growing up, Valentine's Day was always seen as a day for adults and for romance, now, most of the people I see celebrating cupid's day host Galentine's/Palentine's dinners, like you. I think that these different types of celebrations help us take a step back and understand the different love we receive in our daily lives, especially at this age.

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